How to Get Employees to Accept Your Feedback
One of the most common questions I hear from managers is, “How do I get my employees to accept my feedback?” I am sure there are many ways to go about this, but whenever I hear this question, I think about one of the first managers I ever worked with, Frank. Frank was not a warm and fuzzy type of manager: he was tough, he had high expectations, and he didn’t put up with low performance. But, I – and others – always wanted to listen to the feedback that he had to give. Over the years, I’ve thought about his approach and why it worked. Here’s what I’ve extracted from it:
- Frank made his expectations very clear.
We all knew what he expected and he was consistent in his expectations. We knew the target.
- Frank was committed to helping us reach those expectations.
He provided us with resources, with his time, and with his guidance. We were not alone.
- Frank gave more positive praise than constructive or negative feedback.
This is an important point. I was called into Frank’s office about four times more often to receive positive – and specific – praise from Frank than I was to hear constructive or negative feedback. This praise made me more willing to listen to him when the feedback was hard to hear. There have been many studies done in psychology and neuroscience, which have shown that a minimum of a 3:1 ratio of positive to negative comments help teams perform at higher levels. The positive comments and praise have the effect of opening us up to learning and to accepting feedback.
- When there was negative feedback to give, Frank was clear and to the point.
I remember one time in particular when my performance was poor. Frank came to me and he said, “Bobbi, I was disappointed today. I know that you are much better than what you did.” I knew he was right. I also knew that I had absolutely no idea how to improve; it was simply outside of my knowledge base. Frank knew it too. He led me through a discussion about what I could do, how I could do it, and what I needed to learn. He was my partner in the process of improvement. I often see managers who don’t become a partner; they leave it in the hands of the employee to figure out. One of the reasons I was willing to work so hard to improve – and was so willing to listen – was that I knew that Frank and I were in it together.
This has led me to believe that the relationship the manager has with the employee is one of the most important aspects of getting our feedback heard. I trusted Frank and I knew that he cared about helping me improve; why wouldn’t I listen to someone like that?
© 2011 Bobbi Kahler. All rights reserved. Developing Leaders, Creating Possibilities: Kahler Leadership Group
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