The Source of Powerful Coaching
The source of powerful coaching comes from the quality of the relationship between the coach and the client. The simplest way to describe this is that when the client trusts the coach deeply, then client is willing and able to share more deeply what they want and the perspective they have. The coach is then more able to understand the client's perspective accurately and to probe what underlies those perspectives, opening options for testing beliefs and assumptions, leading to awareness of new possibilities that were invisible or impossible before.
Instead of the common approach that the coach is an expert who listens, diagnoses the problem, gives the solution, and instills accountability, professional coaches learn to listen for the thinking and beliefs that lead to behaviors and patterns. They listen for the true aspirations of clients by listening for and sensing emotion. Instead of accepting the client's words at face value, the professional coach explores for deeper clarity. They look for inconsistencies between aspirations and actions. The high quality dialogue between a coach and client leads to greater trust and higher likelihood of discovering true aspirations and patterns that may be keeping the client stuck.
Even though a good friend can also create a trusting relationship, a coaching relationship is still dramatically different. Much of the work a professional coach does to develop their professional skill is learning about their own assumptions, beliefs, biases, and other hobgoblins of the mind. This awareness allows the coach to keep their own concerns from distorting the coaching conversation. The skilled practice of coaching requires developing mindfulness, the awareness of attachments, aversions, biases, and cognitive distortions, many of which are present simply because we are human. If you've ever received unwanted advice, solutions from others that don't make sense for you, or instructions given by someone emotional or irrational, you've experienced something that a skilled coach will not do. When these kinds of help are given, a client often does not feel understood, and as a result, the depth and accuracy of the thoughts in the conversation erode. The coach's mindfulness allows for an authentic connection, which builds trust.
When the coach and client are able to build a trusting, safe connection for dialogue, the effective coaching emerges through the partnership. Interferences in the development and operation of this partnership make coaching less effective. Some of the expectations that we have in other relationships and partnerships in our life and work can be counterproductive in coaching relationships.
There are many ways in which a coaching relationship may have interferences, but here are a few of them.
Coaching Interference #1: Wait-and-see Approach
While wait-and-see would seem to manage your own vulnerability and risk, this is also the same as restricting trust and commitment. New insights and openings to possibilities won't show up without trust and commitment. Undoubtedly, it takes time to build trust and to commit fully to the process of coaching. It's a different kind of conversation and relationship from any other. Both the coach and client are responsible for co-creating an effective partnership. The coach can’t do it alone, and the client won’t get much value by holding back and waiting for the coach to produce magic.
Coaching Interference #2: Pressure for short-term results
There is no question that results are essential. The expectation of specific results within one or two sessions may be difficult to meet. The expectation itself may disrupt the partnership and collaboration. The coaching conversation often leads to surprising places that uncover important insights, motivations, and possibilities. The openness and willingness to let the coaching process unfold leads to better results. The expectation or demand to arrive at a particular destination by a particular time changes the nature of the conversation and often restricts the exploration of avenues that may be essential to discovering and breaking patterns that keep the client stuck.
Coaching Interference #3: Failure to manage breakdowns
If something is not working, then raising the concern and finding a better approach is essential. The ability and willingness to do this even if it feels uncomfortable is vital to making the partnership work. The coach is responsible for guiding and monitoring the process, progress, and effects for the client. The coach should recognize an approach that is stalling or counterproductive and should find or co-create a new approach with the client to make better progress. The client should also feel free to tell the coach when the process is frustrating or ineffective. The coach should be willing to hear this feedback and find a better approach. The client should also feel free to ask about the approach and the reasoning for it. A coach should be willing and able to answer questions about the approach, process, progress, opportunities, and options for continuing.
In contrast to other relationships, like doctor-patient or consultant-client, the coach-client relationship works as a partnership of equals. Each brings complementary expertise and resources, and the trusting partnership allows the insights, motivation, and action to emerge.
